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Happy Halloween to my US listeners, and anyone celebrating beyond the borders! We’ve got a special top ten list for you today, and it’s the top ten monsters from the Star Wars movies. Let’s cut the chatter and get to it!
10. The sando aqua monster. You know, the one that caused Qui-Gon to utter that oh-so-witty catch phrase, “There’s always a bigger fish.” Ho-ho-ho, that’s a good one! Seriously, that thing was weird, though. It kind of swam, but also kind of walked on the bottom of the ocean, and just totally tore the head off that other fish and threw it away like it was nothing. Nothing!
9. The Special Edition Sarlacc. So if it’s the original Sarlacc, it jumps up to three or four on the list, because that fleshy, disgusting, tentacle-ridden pit in the middle of a slippery sand dune reminded me of a garbage disposal, except infinitely more horrible. When they added the beak for the Special Edition, they lost me. All I could think was, “Feeeed me, Seymour!” from Little Shop of Horrors.
8. The King of the Dragonsnakes. Yep, that’s what that thing was in the Dagobah swamp. I’d pretty much thought Artoo was invincible until the moment he got swallowed by that thing, and left Luke looking so very, very alone. Then Artoo survived getting spit out many meters away, and my assurance of his omnipotence was complete.
7. The Tusken Raiders. Freaked me out a bit as a kid. What the heck do they look like under the masks? Wait, never mind, don’t tell me. Maybe that’s why I don’t mind Attack of the Clones so much, because Anakin slaughtered them all. And the women. And the children. Padme’s right, that’s kinda hot. Okay, moving on.
6. The exogorth. You didn’t know these things had names, did you? Of course you did! They name everything! You know the exogorth better as “not a cave,” as Han Solo pointed out. Captain Solo, meet Captain Obvious. Also, bunches of mynocks are just flying around inside there, doing just fine…
5. The dianoga. Holy cow, there’s way more to that thing than I thought. Horrible things. Did I ever tell you I think octopi are pretty darn frightening? The moment I looked at the detailed dianoga drawing, I thought immediately of octopi, which aren’t all that different, and octopi make me wish I could nuke the ocean, but I digress.
4. The wampa. If not for its inglorious and presumed demise, he would be even higher. It’s the first “jump moment” we ever had in the Star Wars movies, let alone at the beginning of the movie. I watched that the first few times, and still thought…well if I’d had the words for what I was thinking, they’d probably be swears, but I was 10 years old, and kids didn’t swear as much back then. But still, it was like, “Holy cow, the Abominable Snowman is real! And he’s real mad!”
3. The acklay. Yes, I know, it sounds like kindergarten or Pig Latin, but trust me, it’s a thing. Specifically, it’s that thing in the execution arena on Geonosis, the giant crab-like thing that Obi-Wan gets to take out. Also, that’s probably not nice to just refer to it as a “crab thing,” especially when Wookieepedia refers to it as “a three-eyed amphibious non-sentient crustacean.” Well then, that explains a lot!
2. The Rancor Monster. Pitiably slow, yet perplexingly unstoppable! Much as I was psyched to own a Rancor Monster Figure – I can’t believe they called something that big a “figure,” but I digress – on-screen, it just looked like a disgusting, angry, moving pile of poo with teeth and drool. But on second thought, I should pity him, since he’s being kept in a prison by our number one monster…
1. Jabba the Hutt. If you think smart is sexy, think again. To be running an interplanetary crime syndicate from the confines of his own palace, with Twi’leks to dance for him and servants to jump for him, Jabba’s the scariest monster of all, in my book. He has no values, no scruples, no loyalty, and no fear. And he’s a giant disgusting worm who’s probably wearing an adult diaper on his backside. Ugh!
So that’s my list of the top Star Wars monsters from the movies! Did I miss your favorite, or rate it higher or lower than you’d hoped? Leave a comment at Facebook.com/sw7x7!
Star Wars Fun Fact
Surprising or little known Star Wars tidbits, sometimes related to today’s Force Feature.In a fun follow up to the Star Wars drinking games episode from yesterday, I also came across a drinking game for Star Wars Episode VII. It’s very easy – one drink for every J.J. Abrams lens flare. You’ll be gone before the second act. Sorry, J.J.! You know we love you.
Life on “Tweet”-ooine
A featured dispatch from the Star Wars Twitterverse!#starwars Sweet pumpkin carving pic.twitter.com/QA2nHFwrUf
— Classic Star Wars (@ClassicStarWars) October 31, 2014
Star Wars Swag Bag
So many fun, quirky, and awesome ways to bring Star Wars into your daily life!Star Wars Mad Libs – click the link for details!
Trivia Time!
Test your knowledge of the Star Wars universe!Yesterday’s answer: Wicket
Today’s question: How many TIE Fighters did the Falcon blast onscreen in the second Death Star Battle?